On the flight to Seattle I convinced a woman named Bonnie who is a breast cancer survivor to walk the next race for the cure this fall and wear a shirt that says “Three years ago I did this in a wheelchair” Good start to the long journey to my race. I got off the plane, got on a light rail called the gal I had just met on the carpool site, and she picked me up right as I stepped out into the street. Andrea was friendly and had a dog-named Cooper. I quickly got introduced to him and we were on our way. We had about a 2-hour drive and quickly got to know each other. The Internet is so strange because you feel like you have known strangers for a long time once you finally do meet them. We stopped at a local grocery store and got a few items and we were on our way. The first time I saw the pacific NW was only a few years ago when my dad moved there. It has a mystic sort of magic to it. We hopped on the ferry and met a few folks headed to the race. We got there and I immediately recognized more folks I had met on facebook. More strangers that it felt like I knew. I got to my cabin to get settled in. It was very rustic. Not at all what I’m used to and something I’d have the urge to complain about usually but I thought ‘Girl… go with the flow” After all that’s what Roberta would do. I was lacking a few hours sleep.
The morning of race day I woke up and had this massive sinus headache and I was very cold. I got dressed and headed down to the start line. I barely had time to eat part of a bagel and we were off. I immediately fell to the back partly because that is the level I’m at but also I feel rather comfortable in the back because I don’t have to move over and don’t have the concern about the person behind me getting annoyed if I’m going to slow. The surroundings are moss covered trees and a misty type morning fog. It’s so beautiful, I felt alive. Then I remember the headache. I kept going in an out of a negative space in spite of my surroundings. How could I be so negative in such a positive environment? Even though I started early I kept thinking there was someone behind me and then I figured out it was my own heart beat I was hearing. It seemed loud. I felt sweaty not like running sweat but the kind you feel when you have fever. I mentioned it to a woman that came up behind she checked by kissing my forehead paused and said, “nope, I don’t think so.” In a strange way I felt my moms presence and I got a little teary eyed. I continued on up Mt Pickett and saw a tent house that I figured was someone’s home. I was not taking full advantage of the downhill and flat terrain because I did not feel well. I kept thinking I’d snap out if it. There were quite a few creek crossings; small but something I’ve only negotiated a few times before with lots of help from more experienced friends, usually with the kind of thought, ”will I cross this? …. Not really a “how will I cross this” sort of attitude. I just had to go for it. Soon some sweet downhill came like a paycheck. Then I saw someone, it turned out to be the race director James, and I said I did not think I would make the cutoff. He tried to be positive but I knew it was getting too late. I made it to the aid station and my garmin was two more miles than the aid station was supposed to be. I quickly ate some things, a nice guy filled up my Nathan pack and I was off again. The next part was Mt constitution, which is was a doozy anyway and made even harder by the fact that I knew I would not finish. Someone, a friend/stranger told me don’t quit no matter what a few days prior. So up I went but before I got to the base of the mountain I had to get though some mud that nearly pulled off my shoe. I started up the mountain and It seemed steeper than the Manitou incline. It felt longer too. The name of this section is power line. “Isn’t there a power line at Leadville too?” I thought. I felt flat and out of energy, why continue when there is no chance of finishing? I thought to myself. Up came the sweeps behind me and soon they were in front of me. One was nice and talkative and the other scolded him for talking and said I’d need all my energy to get to the top. He asked how my nutrition was and salt and so forth. He also said they would stick with me until the end. It seemed like there were many false summits. When I got to the top of the power line section I turned around, it was breathtaking!!!!!! It was like floating in the sky and the place I came from seemed so far away that I felt I had accomplished something phenomenal for a moment. I savored how far I had come. We finally got to a crossroads and one of the sweeps said you better turn here, I guess he had changed his mind about staying with me. I told him I’d rather summit because we were so close. He said that if I turned I’d be running with people and I’d finish before dark. He also said I would get more mileage in. I was a little out of it and tried to figure out which way to go,” I mentioned again that I really wanted to summit and then he yelled at me and said turn here if you go the other way you will be pulled in 2.5 miles. I felt sad but I turned. As I made my way down I thought @&%$ him!!!! If I were on my “A” game would have totally let him have it. I should have told him off and kept going. I could tell he wanted me to turn because he did not want to wait for me to pull the flags. In hindsight, I would have hated getting pulled off the coarse and getting a ride down the mountain so he was absolutely right. I also would have missed some of the best part, the downhill. Soon I started to cry. It actually felt good because my headache was finally disappearing. At one point I ended up in front of many people who passed me one girl said how did you get there? She was probably thinking I cheated, I thought. Things got from bad to worse with my thinking and the course continued to be beautiful. I was thinking, I’m done running, I’ll never be fast so why bother, I am absurd to even attempt this, what is wrong with me, I don’t deserve a place on the trail. I’m not running the 50K at Greenland, I’m not going to run Greenland at all!!!! It was quite pathetic really. Then I see Matt, another Facebook friend I had just met. I was pretty low at this point and told him the situation. He immediately said,” Don’t you dare feel ashamed of what you have accomplished out here!” It lifted my spirits a little. It tried to focus on the positive. My thoughts drifted to the finish line. I thought. ……Oh no!! I will get cheers! AHHHH!!! What should I do jump off the course? I started to panic a little. I can’t think of anything worse at this point than hearing cheers for a race I did not complete. So I get to the finish line and first I see James. He says quietly to me that he knew I had turned off early, I think because I was shaking my head “no” when I finished. I saw Matt and Betsy and Betsy said, “I could not believe you picked this course for your first 50K.” I’m glad she did not say this before the race. Then I sat down by my roommates and this guy, Gary, walked over and sat down. He was funny and he asked how it went. I told him I completed 19.3 miles. I felt bad and he said that this was a tough one for even the most elite runners. He seemed to notice how far down I was and it was like he reached down in my soul and pulled me back up. He took some time explaining that it was a tough course for everyone. The kindness of these strangers was so remarkable. It occurred to me that I was being treated much better by the strangers around me than I was treating myself. When I run I mentally face the damage I did to myself in my younger years because of bad choices I have made but then I’m left with a feeling of being one more step towards healing it. Andrea and I returned to Seattle, I stayed at her home. We got up early she made fancy French pressed coffee and we went to a Yoga class and later ran with her dog. On the wall it read,” a path with no obstacles leads nowhere.”
I posted that I did not complete the entire race on Face book. I got all kinds of sweet comments. One friend reminded me that my first marathon was a mere 4 month ago. (Closer to 3 actually) I thought about it and last year was the first time I had ran over 8 miles. I went on to run 4 half marathons (2 were pretty hard trails) 3 marathons (including Greece), several training runs including most Saturdays. I climbed my first 14’er and did quite a few things I’d never thought I would do. So as I look forward I need to remember how far I have come and honor that the same way strangers do.
The morning of race day I woke up and had this massive sinus headache and I was very cold. I got dressed and headed down to the start line. I barely had time to eat part of a bagel and we were off. I immediately fell to the back partly because that is the level I’m at but also I feel rather comfortable in the back because I don’t have to move over and don’t have the concern about the person behind me getting annoyed if I’m going to slow. The surroundings are moss covered trees and a misty type morning fog. It’s so beautiful, I felt alive. Then I remember the headache. I kept going in an out of a negative space in spite of my surroundings. How could I be so negative in such a positive environment? Even though I started early I kept thinking there was someone behind me and then I figured out it was my own heart beat I was hearing. It seemed loud. I felt sweaty not like running sweat but the kind you feel when you have fever. I mentioned it to a woman that came up behind she checked by kissing my forehead paused and said, “nope, I don’t think so.” In a strange way I felt my moms presence and I got a little teary eyed. I continued on up Mt Pickett and saw a tent house that I figured was someone’s home. I was not taking full advantage of the downhill and flat terrain because I did not feel well. I kept thinking I’d snap out if it. There were quite a few creek crossings; small but something I’ve only negotiated a few times before with lots of help from more experienced friends, usually with the kind of thought, ”will I cross this? …. Not really a “how will I cross this” sort of attitude. I just had to go for it. Soon some sweet downhill came like a paycheck. Then I saw someone, it turned out to be the race director James, and I said I did not think I would make the cutoff. He tried to be positive but I knew it was getting too late. I made it to the aid station and my garmin was two more miles than the aid station was supposed to be. I quickly ate some things, a nice guy filled up my Nathan pack and I was off again. The next part was Mt constitution, which is was a doozy anyway and made even harder by the fact that I knew I would not finish. Someone, a friend/stranger told me don’t quit no matter what a few days prior. So up I went but before I got to the base of the mountain I had to get though some mud that nearly pulled off my shoe. I started up the mountain and It seemed steeper than the Manitou incline. It felt longer too. The name of this section is power line. “Isn’t there a power line at Leadville too?” I thought. I felt flat and out of energy, why continue when there is no chance of finishing? I thought to myself. Up came the sweeps behind me and soon they were in front of me. One was nice and talkative and the other scolded him for talking and said I’d need all my energy to get to the top. He asked how my nutrition was and salt and so forth. He also said they would stick with me until the end. It seemed like there were many false summits. When I got to the top of the power line section I turned around, it was breathtaking!!!!!! It was like floating in the sky and the place I came from seemed so far away that I felt I had accomplished something phenomenal for a moment. I savored how far I had come. We finally got to a crossroads and one of the sweeps said you better turn here, I guess he had changed his mind about staying with me. I told him I’d rather summit because we were so close. He said that if I turned I’d be running with people and I’d finish before dark. He also said I would get more mileage in. I was a little out of it and tried to figure out which way to go,” I mentioned again that I really wanted to summit and then he yelled at me and said turn here if you go the other way you will be pulled in 2.5 miles. I felt sad but I turned. As I made my way down I thought @&%$ him!!!! If I were on my “A” game would have totally let him have it. I should have told him off and kept going. I could tell he wanted me to turn because he did not want to wait for me to pull the flags. In hindsight, I would have hated getting pulled off the coarse and getting a ride down the mountain so he was absolutely right. I also would have missed some of the best part, the downhill. Soon I started to cry. It actually felt good because my headache was finally disappearing. At one point I ended up in front of many people who passed me one girl said how did you get there? She was probably thinking I cheated, I thought. Things got from bad to worse with my thinking and the course continued to be beautiful. I was thinking, I’m done running, I’ll never be fast so why bother, I am absurd to even attempt this, what is wrong with me, I don’t deserve a place on the trail. I’m not running the 50K at Greenland, I’m not going to run Greenland at all!!!! It was quite pathetic really. Then I see Matt, another Facebook friend I had just met. I was pretty low at this point and told him the situation. He immediately said,” Don’t you dare feel ashamed of what you have accomplished out here!” It lifted my spirits a little. It tried to focus on the positive. My thoughts drifted to the finish line. I thought. ……Oh no!! I will get cheers! AHHHH!!! What should I do jump off the course? I started to panic a little. I can’t think of anything worse at this point than hearing cheers for a race I did not complete. So I get to the finish line and first I see James. He says quietly to me that he knew I had turned off early, I think because I was shaking my head “no” when I finished. I saw Matt and Betsy and Betsy said, “I could not believe you picked this course for your first 50K.” I’m glad she did not say this before the race. Then I sat down by my roommates and this guy, Gary, walked over and sat down. He was funny and he asked how it went. I told him I completed 19.3 miles. I felt bad and he said that this was a tough one for even the most elite runners. He seemed to notice how far down I was and it was like he reached down in my soul and pulled me back up. He took some time explaining that it was a tough course for everyone. The kindness of these strangers was so remarkable. It occurred to me that I was being treated much better by the strangers around me than I was treating myself. When I run I mentally face the damage I did to myself in my younger years because of bad choices I have made but then I’m left with a feeling of being one more step towards healing it. Andrea and I returned to Seattle, I stayed at her home. We got up early she made fancy French pressed coffee and we went to a Yoga class and later ran with her dog. On the wall it read,” a path with no obstacles leads nowhere.”
I posted that I did not complete the entire race on Face book. I got all kinds of sweet comments. One friend reminded me that my first marathon was a mere 4 month ago. (Closer to 3 actually) I thought about it and last year was the first time I had ran over 8 miles. I went on to run 4 half marathons (2 were pretty hard trails) 3 marathons (including Greece), several training runs including most Saturdays. I climbed my first 14’er and did quite a few things I’d never thought I would do. So as I look forward I need to remember how far I have come and honor that the same way strangers do.
- David Murphy and Andrea C Becker like this.
Roberta Shaver Jennifer, you have only failed when you have failed to try. The story here isn't about not completing all 31 miles, but the triumph to complete 19.3 miles with all you have endured and the humility you have to share with others. You renewed a spark in me that over the past couple of months I have missed a little- the kindness others have shown you- the same kindness you have shared with others. It exists! We will rock Greenland together. I have no doubt. You are amazing n need to celebrate each mile as a success. I love you!February 14 at 11:09pm · · 1 personLoading...
Ilene Carpenter That's a wonderful race report, Jennifer. You've come so far, so quickly and you will accomplish so much more. It has been great getting to know you during your transition from half-marathoner to marathoner and beyond. Your openness brings out the best in strangers and helping you makes their day a better one. I look forward to training with you for Greenland!February 15 at 7:50am ·
Christie Combs EbenrothThat was such a heart-felt, transparent race report. Big, big hugs to you for struggling with the headache, that totally difficult course and making it through the hardest section of the race. Powerline about did me in. I'm sorry the sweepe...r wasn't more understanding or sympathetic in his behavior towards you. That would have made me sad, too. You rock! I can't believe you only did your first marathon 3 months ago! Holy smokes! That's even more impressive how far you did make it on this challenging course! Hold your head up high! You accomplished so much out there and you'll keep getting stronger! I'm proud of you!See MoreFebruary 15 at 9:34am ·- Jennifer Johnson Cline Well I should really apologize to the guy he was totally right. If he had not yelled at me I may still be out in the woods somewhere and I would have gotten less than 15 in if I would have summited. The skirt around the lake was phenomenal!!! Thanks it was so nice to meet you! The cry cured my headache too. LolFebruary 15 at 9:41am · · 1 personLoading...
Ken MichalI really enjoyed this report, Jennifer!
Personally, I would rather DNF an event I didn't know I could finish than finish and easy one! It takes a lot more guts!!! Congratulations on not taking the easy road!
I'm pretty sure it was Gary Ro...bbins at the finish, yes? He's a great guy! He would know that Orcas is tough for elites... by experience!!!
http://ultrasignup.com/results_participant.aspx?fnam e=Gary&lname=Robbins&age=0
There are a couple interviews with him on RS if you're interested!
Now, while the race is still fresh, think of three things that you could do to finish this event next year!See MoreFebruary 15 at 1:55pm · · 1 personLoading...- Jennifer Johnson ClineYes! It was and after we spoke I figured out who he was and had just heard one of those interviews. I didn't know he was a big deal though, lol. I just thought he was a nice guy.
Yes I want to go as far as I can without being pulled. I hear...d this thing on science Friday about taking on challenges even if they are lofty and how good it is for the brain.
http://m.npr.org/story/133498136?url=%2F2011%2F02%2F 04%2F133498136%2Fgrowing-a -bigger-brain-is-a-walk-in -the-park
Thanks and keep up the great work ! Inspiring the back if the pack is something I aspire to do and you do it well and improve so much. I can't get the kazoo song out of my head!!!!See MoreFebruary 15 at 2:02pm · - Jennifer Johnson Cline Show me the link ? I can't tell what episode He is on ?
Please ?February 15 at 2:05pm · - Jennifer Johnson Cline 3 things:
Power hiking hills
More consistent training
Better diet..... Outside of the event
(during it was working both hydration and nutrition)February 15 at 2:08pm · · 1 personLoading... - Ken MichalHe's on 2:
http://runningstupid.libsyn.com/running_stupid_lii_g ary_robbins_interview_
and again here:
http://runningstupid.libsyn.com/running-stupid-lxix- gary-robbins-interview-ii-.
...
both are pretty easy to find in iTunes as well... They're titled "Gary Robbins interview"See MoreFebruary 15 at 3:12pm · - Jennifer Johnson Cline For some reason when I go to your podcast on my iPhone the title is cut off .... So I just see the numbers :)February 15 at 3:13pm ·
Rainshadow Running great report jennifer! have fun at greenland and i'd be honored to have you back at orcas again next year!February 15 at 11:33pm ·- Rainshadow Running also could you email me the photo of the orcas chalkboard? thanks!February 15 at 11:34pm ·
David Murphy Loved it!! Your attitude is perfect for ultras. You will be successful with that determination.February 16 at 8:06am ·
Mark Miller You rock, Ill epic run with you anywhere, great report, pat yourself on the back!!!!!February 16 at 5:57pm · · 1 personLoading...- Jennifer Johnson Cline Thanks guys!! I'm not an ultra runner yet but I will be :)
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